3 Ways Being a Foster Parent has Changed My Life

As parents, we teach our kids a lot: how to ride a bike, how to eat healthy, how to read and communicate, how to be a friend, and even how to love. I often overlook all the things that kids teach their parents. I wanted to get a little more personal and share how being a foster parent has changed my life for the better.

1. Being a foster parent has taught me that LOVE is more important than LOGIC.

Jamie* was 13 when we fostered her, and I remember sitting down to help her with math homework one afternoon. Some of the problems were beyond her capability, and she soon got so frustrated that she lost it. There was a full-on meltdown happening in the chair next to mine.

Trying to help, I started talking to Jamie about the concept of how a mouse eats an elephant - one bite at a time. I thought I was helping her by breaking the problem down into manageable pieces, but that’s not what she needed. What she needed was what my wife did next: she wiped her tears, put her arm around her and told her, “We can do this!” My wife sat with us with her arm around Jamie, quietly encouraging her until she finished her homework. It was in that moment that I learned it’s not always logic; it’s love. 

2. Being a foster parent has taught me how resilient kids are.

Before we met Jamie, we were told a bit about her background - how she had been physically, sexually, and mentally abused. We learned that she’d been in charge of disciplining her younger siblings, and had even been taught by a grandparent how to hit them with a hairbrush in the right place and in the right way so that it wouldn’t leave a mark. That’s a tough life when you’re only 13. 

When Jamie came into our home, it took a long time for her to trust me. She bonded with my wife, but would come home from school and immediately ask, “Is HE here?” It took time and effort, but we were eventually able to form a healthy relationship together - mostly because of her resilience. At 13 years old, Jamie was already an incredible person.

Jamie is just one of many kids in our world today who have faced severe tragedy and come out stronger. She’s taught me that kids can process and handle way more than grownups like me give them credit for. 

3. Being a foster parent has taught me that love appears differently in different situations.

A little while after Jamie and I had established a relationship, I had both of my knees replaced.  I’ll never forget coming home to find Jamie hiding in her room, unable to look at me. At first, I assumed she had a weak stomach and couldn’t handle seeing the stitches and bandages. But I quickly learned that it was something else entirely.

Jamie had come to know me as a strong person. And she couldn’t stand seeing this strong person in pain. She couldn’t handle seeing me in such a weak state - unable to walk or even stand well. While my wife’s love for me propelled her to help and nurture and check on me constantly, Jamie’s love caused her to withdraw from the situation. That’s how I learned that love can manifest itself in different ways and through different reactions - not all love looks the same.

It would be easy to go on and on with lessons I’ve learned from being a foster parent. At the end of the day, it’s clear that Jamie and all these kids have changed my life for the better.

*(Please note: for safety and confidentiality, we’ve changed the name of this wonderful young lady to Jamie.)